Let's explore the hidden gorillas in your life
Let's explore the hidden gorillas in your life - those unseen strengths and possibilities lurking just beyond your current perspective.
I have many clients saying something like these to me:
- "I never thought I could do this…"
- "I'm terrible at following through. Procrastination is my middle name."
- "I am not good at ….."
These statements reveal a subjective, self-limiting view. But there's hope to develop greater self-awareness, objective view, and start saying:
- "I've noticed I have a lot of negative self-talk."
This shift opens the door to positive change. We can then work on cultivating self-compassion, and as you learn to accept yourself, you'll find it easier to accept others. This fosters stronger connections, increases your influence, and ultimately enhances your leadership abilities.
So how do we move from that first, subjective conversation to the more objective, self-aware one?
When we're trapped in negative self-talk, we feel small, victimized, and paralyzed. We might experience imposter syndrome, showing only our "best" side while hiding our perceived flaws. Sometimes, to ease the pain of constant self-blame, we criticize others or make unfavorable comparisons. But these strategies are band-aids that never truly heal the wound. The pain persists, often surfacing in those quiet 3 AM moments at the middle of night, when our guard is down.
The crucial first step is recognizing these thoughts for what they are: just self-talk, not absolute truths. Sure, they might feel true, and there may be grains of truth in them. But are they the whole picture? Of course not!
Consider this: Neuroscience told us that our brains can only process a tiny fraction of the information in our environment. Remember that famous experiment where people miss a person in a gorilla suit walking through a scene because they're focused on counting basketball passes? Our brains are wired to focus, which is great for efficiency, but it means we miss a lot.
The key is realizing you have a choice in what you focus on. Often, these choices are made unconsciously, driven by patterns established long ago. (Check “Epigenetic”). While you can’t change your DNA, you do have the possibility to modify your “DNA expressions” to your advantage. With awareness, you can make different choices.
In coaching sessions, we work on convincing yourself that you're not as "not enough" as you thought. For some, it might feel strange at first to acknowledge your strengths - even embarrassing. That's where a coach provides a safe space to practice self-affirmation without judgment.
Once you start recognizing and affirming your strengths, a major shift occurs. You'll begin to see new possibilities and perspectives, leading to different choices. You'll feel empowered to shape your own destiny.
So, what gorillas - what hidden strengths and possibilities - are waiting for you to notice them? Let's work together to expand your vision and unlock your full potential!