The Space in Between “Reaction and Response”: A Lesson in Mindful Communication “反應與回應”之間的空間：正念溝通的一課

In our daily interactions, we often find ourselves caught between immediate reactions and thoughtful responses. A recent conversation between two individuals illuminates this delicate dance, offering profound insights into the art of mindful communication. 在我們的日常互動中，我們經常發現自己在即時反應和深思熟慮的回應之間掙扎。一段實際在日常生活中發生的對話，為我們展示了這個微妙的平衡，也為正念溝通的藝術提供了深刻的見解。

Picture this: One person, feeling vulnerable about their business situation, meets a well-intentioned but perhaps misguided suggestion to lower their rates. The typical script might end in conflict – defensive reactions, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships. But something different happened here. 想像這樣的場景：一個人正為自己的業務狀況感到脆弱，這時遇到了一個善意但可能不太恰當的建議 —— 降低收費。一般情況下，這種對話可能會演變成衝突 —— 防禦性的反應、受傷的感受，以及受損的關係。但這次，發生了不一樣的事情。

H: How's your day been today? 今天過得如何？

W: Well... I don't have too many clients these days... Especially since that BU platform isn't quite working anymore. I take this as a sign from the universe that I need to move on. 嗯... 這陣子客戶不多...尤其是那個BU平台現在也不太能用了。我把這當作是宇宙給我的訊號，該是時候往前走了。

H: Could you lower your rate? 你可以降低收費嗎？

W: Why would I want to lower my rate? (getting irritated, feeling being judged not doing the good job) 為什麼我要降低收費？（開始感到煩躁, 覺得被評判沒有做好生意）

H: It looks like it's not your day... you are so reactive... if you're like this, we will never have any conversations. 看來今天不是你的好日子...你反應這麼大...如果你是這樣，我們永遠無法對話。

W: (took a pause... pondering... and decided not to go down the reactive rabbit hole driven by emotions) OK, I am indeed a bit reactive. But it is also because what you said made me think of something that's probably touching my vulnerability... So, tell me what makes you want to ask that question?（停頓一下...思考...決定不要陷入情緒驅使的反應性兔子洞）好吧，我確實有點反應過度。但這也是因為你說的話讓我想到了可能觸及我的脆弱點...所以，能告訴我是什麼讓你想問這個問題嗎？

H: xxxx that's what I do for my business. 這是我做生意的方式。

W: OK, fine. So, what you are thinking about is not (exactly) what I thought you meant. Good. 好吧。所以，你想的並不是（完全）我以為你的意思。

H: So... next time, I should just shut up. 那...下次我就該閉嘴了。

W: No, what I need from you, I hope you do, is not to shut up, but to use your energy to try to understand what I am trying to express, instead of using your thinking and offering a solution that's not relevant to me at the moment. 不，我希望你做的不是閉嘴，而是用你能試著理解我想表達的內容，而不是用你的思維提供一個當下對我來說不相關的解決方案。

H: ...OK... (trying to do that) so... sounds like what you want is to xxxx ...好吧...（試著這麼做）所以...聽起來你想要的是 xxxx。

W: (he is trying... and I can't ask him to use coach-level conversation with me...) Not exactly, but fine. That's OK. I will leave you in peace... and, thank you for trying. I appreciate it.（他在努力...而我不能要求他用教練級別的對話方式跟我溝通...）不完全是，但沒關係。這樣就好。我讓你安靜一下...而且，謝謝你願意嘗試。我很感激。

W kept her cool after feeling triggered. H did reflect, and W acknowledged it. Instead of being dragged by the triggered state, W stayed centered... (holding back the triggered state), and tried to stay aware of her inner vulnerability and thoughts, stating calmly (trying) what happened in her mind. W在感到被觸發後保持冷靜。H確實有反思，W也承認了這點。W沒有被觸發狀態拖著走，而是保持中心...(控制住觸發狀態)，試圖保持對她內在脆弱性和想法的覺察，平靜地（試著）說出她腦中所想。

H was triggered too... and trying to stay calm as well by saying what's in his mind (with some reactivity...). H也被觸發了...同時也試著保持冷靜，說出他心中所想。（帶著一些反應性...）

Instead of compounding the situation by reacting with anger to "what I should just shut up next time," W decided to stay calm and said, "what I need from you is that you could understand me." She stated clearly what she hoped to get, instead of reacting to H's triggered reaction. 不是對「那下次我就該閉嘴了」這句話用憤怒來加劇情況，W決定保持冷靜，說：「我需要的是你能理解我。」清楚地說出她希望得到的，而不是對H的觸發反應做出反應。

 After that, both of them calmed down, doing some chores together... in a quiet state... both wanting to restore the harmony. 之後，他們都冷靜下來，一起做些事情...在安靜的狀態中...都想要恢復和諧。

There is space in between saying your own solutions however risking being irrelevant versus. shutting up. It is that in-between space that allows more possibilities for better connection. 在說出自己想的解決方式但對對方來說不相關的話，和保持沉默之間，是有空間的。

Instead of tumbling down what one participant called "the reactive rabbit hole," they created space. A pause. A breath. A moment to recognize their triggers and vulnerabilities. 他們沒有陷入所謂的「反應性兔子洞」，而是創造了空間。一個停頓。一次呼吸。一個認識自己觸發點和脆弱性的時刻。

This space became the fertile ground where understanding could grow, which can lead to better relationships. 正是在這個中間的空間，成為了理解得以生長的沃土， 從中而能創造更多更好關係的可能性。

The magic lies not in perfect communication, but in the willingness to step back when emotions run high. As one participant demonstrated, it's possible to acknowledge our reactivity ("I am indeed a bit reactive") while also expressing our needs clearly ("what I need from you is to try to understand what I am trying to express"). 這種方法的奧妙不在於完美的溝通，而在於當情緒高漲時願意退後一步。正如其中一位參與者所展示的，我們可以承認自己的反應性（「我確實有點反應過度」），同時清晰地表達我們的需求（「我需要你試著理解我想表達的內容」）。

Here's what makes this approach transformative:

以下是使這種方法具有轉化力的原因：

First, it recognizes that everyone speaks from their own reality bubble. When someone offers unsolicited advice or seems judgmental, they're usually projecting their world onto ours. Their comments reveal more about their perspective than our reality. 首先，它認識到每個人都是從自己的現實泡泡中說話。當他人提供未經請求的建議或顯得批判時，他們通常是在將自己的世界投射到我們身上。他們的評論更多地反映了他們的觀點，而不是我們的現實。

Second, it embraces the power of stating needs without demanding their fulfillment. We can express what we need – often simply to be understood – while respecting others' autonomy to respond as they choose. 其次，它擁抱表達需求的力量，而不要求必須得到滿足。我們可以表達我們的需求 —— 通常只是想被理解 —— 同時尊重他人回應的自主權。

Most importantly, it reminds us that there's always space between reaction and response. Between offering judgment and staying silent. Between black and white. It's in this grey area where real connection happens. 最重要的是，它提醒我們在反應和回應之間總是有空間的。在做出判斷和保持沉默之間。在黑與白之間。正是在這個灰色地帶中，真正的連接才會發生。

Practical Steps for Daily Practice 日常練習的實用步驟

1. **Remember the Reality Bubble**: When someone's words trigger you, pause and remind yourself: their comments come from their world, not yours. Whatever they say – good or bad – is filtered through their own experiences and beliefs. **記住現實泡泡**：當某人的話觸發了你，暫停並提醒自己：他們的評論來自他們的世界，而不是你的。無論他們說什麼 —— 好的或壞的 —— 都是經過他們自己的經驗和信念過濾的。

2. **Express Needs Clearly**: If you need something, state it simply and directly. Don't hide behind hints or expectations. Remember that clear expression doesn't mean demanding compliance. **清晰表達需求**：如果你需要什麼，簡單直接地說出來。不要躲在暗示或期待背後。記住，清晰表達並不意味著要求對方必須遵從。

3. **Own Your Needs**: Recognize that while you can express your needs, others aren't obligated to fulfill them. Take responsibility for meeting your own needs, and be grateful when others choose to help. **擁有你的需求**：認識到雖然你可以表達你的需求，但他人並沒有義務滿足它們。為滿足自己的需求負責，當他人選擇幫助時表示感激。

4. **Navigate Your Emotional Landscape**: **導航你的情緒景觀**：

   - Notice your emotional reactions 注意你的情緒反應

   - Recognize them without judgment    不帶判斷地認識它們

   - Accept them radically – all emotions are valid 徹底接納它們 — 所有情緒都是有價值的

   - Choose your response consciously 有意識地選擇你的回應

5. **Embrace the Grey Area**: When caught in a difficult interaction, remember there's always more than two options. Look for the space between extremes – it's where creative solutions often hide. **擁抱灰色地帶**：當陷入困難的互動時，記住總是有超過兩個選擇。尋找極端之間的空間 —— 創造性的解決方案往往藏在那裡。

The next time you feel triggered in a conversation, remember: there's always a choice. The space between your initial reaction and your response is where wisdom lives. It's where we can choose connection over correction, understanding over judgment, and growth over conflict. 下次當你在對話中感到被觸發時，請記住：總是有選擇的。在你最初的反應和最終的回應之間的空間，就是智慧所在。在那裡，我們可以選擇連接而不是糾正，理解而不是判斷，成長而不是衝突。

After all, most people don't need solutions – they need to be seen and understood. And sometimes, the best way to be understood is to first create that space where understanding can flourish. 畢竟，大多數人不需要其他人提供的解決方案 —— 他們只是需要被看見和被理解。有時候，最好的方式就是先創造那個讓理解能夠茁壯成長的空間。